As a little girl, 25 seemed so far away. I don’t think I was the type of person who was in a rush to get rid of her childhood — I had a beautiful one — but I was certainly excited for my adult years. Why, you may ask? Because television convinced me that my 20s would be the best years of my life.
Take Legally Blonde’s Elle Woods, for example. The character, played by Reese Witherspoon, was a popular young woman somewhere in her 20s who already had a picture-perfect life — lots of friends, lots more money, and some eye candy she thought she’d marry. When her boyfriend left her, she (quite literally) followed him to his dream school, and in looking for his love, she found herself, ending the movie as the valedictorian of her class and with a new guy who adored her to shreds.
Or Andie Anderson, played by Kate Hudson in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. Andie was dissatisfied with her work as a journalist and actively worked to prove she could produce more serious pieces. In the process of proving this, she found an amazing guy and ended up lip-locked to him. It was these sorts of 2000s classics and Disney films that led me to believe that by 25, my life would be so put together that I wouldn’t want for anything.
So I spent my teenage years anticipating my 20s…and then they came. With my 20s came more responsibility, more life challenges, and so many decisions to be made. The older I became, the more I realized my life would not reflect what I’d seen on television. Thus began my “quarter-life crisis.” Every day, especially the days approaching my 25th birthday, I felt quite small. Really, I was focused on the goals I’d set for myself that I hadn’t achieved, and I was angry, confused, and resentful. There was so much I planned to do and have at this age — and what did I have to show for it? Granted, I had achieved things, but when your goals are mountain-sized, the things you’ve accomplished can seem like a molehill.
I knew, however, that I couldn’t allow myself to sit in a slump for too long; it’s uneventful and won’t change anything about what I hadn’t achieved. Also, I felt terrible labeling something so minuscule as a “crisis” when I know there are millions of people in communities around the world who face far graver challenges than I could ever imagine. Understanding this and comparing some people’s real-world struggles to my lack of self-worth almost felt like a sin.
Realizing what I was feeling was step one; step two was working to move past those feelings. So I spoke to my family and friends about all the thoughts I was having. I explained that transitioning to 25 felt overwhelming because I was not in that place in my life where I thought I would be. I also spent a lot of time praying and meditating on the word of God. Matthew 6:34 (NIV) was particularly helpful: “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” This perspective changed my way of thinking. Why am I worrying about things that could have been or would have been? It’s much easier to take things one day at a time.
What finally dragged me out of “crisis” mode was a thankful heart. We are in a season where our minds are concentrated on being grateful for the things around us, and I realized I had so much to appreciate. I have a great family that supports me like their lives depend on it; I have shelter and necessities; and I am alive. There are so many people who, because of varying circumstances, have died before age 25. Their lives were cut short, and they didn’t have the opportunity to change anything about their situation — but I do. Every day I wake up is a new opportunity to try something new and just live life.
I’m no longer approaching this new year of my life with resentment or regret, but with a heart of thanksgiving that I still get to live. I plan to set new goals, work toward them, and continue living the only way I know how.
So, if, like me, you found yourself in a quarter-life crisis recently, I won’t tell you the exact steps you need to take to get out of it, because life is different for everyone. Use my story as motivation to get out of that slump. If I can leave you with one thing, it’s this: approach life with a grateful heart and remember that it’s a gift to have a life to live.
~ Shanaé H.
