The word ‘no’ reminds me of young David in the Bible. In David’s tribe, other warriors appeared more eligible to tackle Goliath, the giant. Yet, as it turned out, it was the small shepherd boy who would lead his people to victory. In this scenario, he reminds me of the word ‘no’ because though it comprises only two letters, and its pronunciation is uncomplicated, the power behind it is undeniable.
It’s unlikely that anyone can remember the very first time they were told ‘no,’ but by the stage of infancy, the meaning is completely understood. The vocalization of that word brings to naught any action or expectation in motion. And despite the early comprehension of the word, it never becomes easier to hear.
I’ve heard that word quite a lot in my life. Oftentimes, it was ungranted parental permission to have a sleepover at a friend’s house – which now, as an adult, I’m grateful for – or some other frivolous thing. Those nos stung in the moment, but it’s those I’ve received in adulthood that have impacted me the most, often making me feel worthless or sorrowful. In fact, within the last four or five months, it seems as though that’s the only response I receive when I ask a question or seek something new. In those months, I have submitted several job applications and extended my hand to numerous opportunities that would keep me experienced; ‘no’ seemed to be my only portion.
Quite frankly, it hurts. “Is there something wrong with me? Why am I being told ‘no,’ and others around me are being told ‘yes?’ What am I doing wrong, and why can’t I fix it?” These are all questions that I’ve asked myself, and maybe even ones you’ve considered if you’ve been in a similar position as me.
It’s perfectly normal to have these thoughts, but I have found that it’s unhealthy to remain in a state where your sole focus is on the nos. Constantly dwelling on your ‘nos’ – I believe – can keep you from eventually getting to your ‘yes.’ So, here are three ways I think you can change your thinking to find strength in your season of nos:
Understanding that, sometimes, it’s not about you
Grasping the fact that the rejections you face may have nothing to do with you may be a hard pill to swallow – after all, it is your life. However, some rejections have less to do with you and more with the person, company, friend group, etc., that is rejecting you. Your personality, professionalism, and class may be an intimidating fit for the rooms or spaces you’re trying to enter…some people really just can’t deal. And that’s okay. If there’s a space that doesn’t want you, train your mind to believe that that decision was made because of the decider, and not because of you. This may help you place less blame on yourself, thus causing you to better process that denial.
Understand that that ‘no’ may be keeping you from something that wasn’t meant for your life
As a Christian, I believe that life circumstances are beyond my control. I believe that all people are created for a specific purpose, and the journeys we embark on during life are leading us to that purpose. If you keep that in mind, when a ‘no’ enters its way through life’s door, you can consider that it just wasn’t the necessary step to help you fulfill your purpose. And if it’s not for you, then there’s no need to grieve about it or make you think negatively about yourself – at least not for too long, because we are humans after all.
Knowing that you can use your ‘no’ to make your own ‘yes’
This is connected to my previous point. We all must understand that one ‘no’ is just one step closer to your ‘yes.’ If there’s one thing for certain, it is that change will eventually come. It may not come as quickly as we’d like, but trust and believe, it is coming, and it will be everything you think a ‘yes’ should be. And in the meantime, while you wait for your yes, it may be worth investing your time in something else that makes you feel good about yourself. Maybe
it’s writing, channeling your creativity through making videos, or something of the sort. No matter what it is, find something that can take your mind off that ‘no’ that may be keeping you down and bound.
Having the “it’s not me, it’s them” mindset is one of those things that’s easier said than done. Therefore, I know that reading these things will not instantly shift your mood or cause an immediate transformation of the mind. Because, even though I know these things, every ‘no’ I receive still hits like a ton of bricks. But in this new ‘no’ season I’ve come to find myself in, I’m learning to remind myself of these tips so I prevent myself from slipping into misery.
Another ‘no’ may be on the way for you, and even for me, but I implore you not to let it get the best of you. Find your strength in those constant ‘nos’. ~ Shanaé
