Domestic violence doesn’t always look like pain. Sometimes it looks like a friend suddenly canceling plans, checking their phone constantly, becoming isolated, changing how they dress, or making excuses for someone who hurts them. Sometimes it’s happening to you, and it’s hard to name because the person also says they love you.
This Domestic Violence Awareness Month, we’re focusing on something simple but powerful: being the kind of friend people can talk to without judgment.
Support starts with listening
Sometimes you don’t have to have perfect words, a solution, or a plan to support someone. Often, the most helpful thing is saying:
- “I’m here for you.”
- “I believe you.”
- “You don’t deserve to be treated that way.”
- “What would feel supportive right now? Here’s what I can offer…”
- “You get to decide what you want to do.”
In peer support, we are meeting people where they are. It means not having the pressure to leave, report, press charges, or explain every detail before you believe them. Leaving an abusive relationship can be complicated, especially when money, housing, family, immigration status, identity, disability, or safety are involved.
What abuse can look like
Abuse looks like having power and control, not just physical violence. It can include:
- Constant texting, tracking, or demanding access to your phone or location
- Isolating you from friends, family, or community
- Controlling money, transportation, medication, or basic needs
- Threatening to out you, report you, take your kids, or harm themselves if you leave
- Pressure, coercion, or guilt-tripping around intimacy
- Put-downs, humiliation, gaslighting, or making you feel like everything is your fault
- Physical harm, intimidation, or destroying your things
If something in your relationship makes you feel small, scared, trapped, or constantly “too much,” that matters. You deserve relationships where you feel safe, respected, and free to be yourself.
Starting from curiosity, not judgement
If someone is able to open up, try to keep the focus on their safety and autonomy:
- Start by listening. Let them share at their own pace. Instead of “Are you sure?” or “Why didn’t you leave?”, try: “Thank you for telling me” or “That sounds really hard.”
- Believe their experience. You don’t need proof, details, or a perfect story to show up for someone. Their feelings and safety matter.
- Follow their lead. Ask, “What would feel helpful right now?” Some people want advice, others want company, esteem support, or practical support.
- Offer practical care. A ride, a charged phone, food, a safe place to hang out, a code word, or a low-pressure “I’m thinking about you” text can make a real difference.
- Protect their privacy. Keep what they share between you unless there is an immediate risk to someone’s safety. Always ask before involving anyone else.
- Upholding boundaries. You can still care deeply and still need rest, support, and space. Being a good friend doesn’t mean carrying everything alone.
And if you’re worried you may be hurting, controlling, or scaring someone you love, reaching out for help is not weakness, it’s accountability and care.
What supports are available
You do not have to be in immediate danger to reach out. You can call just to talk, ask questions, or explore options without committing to anything. Please note that some of these services may collect information which may result in emergency intervention, we encourage folks to do their own research to understand which works best for them and their situation.
- Interval House: 24-hour hotline at 860-838-8467 (English) or 844-831-9200 (Spanish); free and confidential support, safety planning, information, and referrals.
- CT Coalition Against Domestic Violence / CT Safe Connect: Call or text 888-774-2900, chat online, or email for free, confidential, 24/7 support in all languages.
- A Call For Change Helpline: A free, anonymous, confidential helpline for teens and adults who are concerned about their own abusive or controlling behavior; call 877-898-3411 or email Help@ACallForChangeHelpline.org, 10 a.m.–10 p.m. daily.
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233, free, confidential, and available 24/7
- Child Abuse Hotline: 800-422-4455 for support and reporting concerns involving child abuse or neglect.
- The Office Of Victims Services: (800) 822-8428 statewide helpline available Monday-Friday 8:00am-4:30pm providing victims and family with information on the criminal justice process, victim notification, victim rights, and referrals to community and state agencies.
- Love is respect: a program providing education and tools for navigating dating relationships, for young people ages 14-24. It works to disrupt unhealthy relationships and intimate partner violence and empowers young people with safer options for abusive relationship.
- RAIIN: Offering a variety of support/care services, education and community, policy and justice, alongside with some trainings. They have a free 24/7 confidential hotline you can contact.
You can also visit our Peer Support Offerings Page to find a peer supporter or group.
♡ You deserve care ♡
Whether you’re surviving something right now, supporting a friend, or trying to unlearn harmful patterns, you deserve support that doesn’t shame you.
Not only this month but always, check in on your community. Provide the space for someone to share their experience, center curiosity over judgement questions, and remind the people you care about that they do not have to navigate this alone.
