What should I expect from therapy?
“Therapy will not fix your life. Therapy will not get you a job if you’re unemployed or get you into college if that’s what you want to do. But it will help you rebuild your life, your sense of self. It will help you feel strong enough to go back to work, it will help you monitor your stress level so you can go to college, it can help you feel more comfortable being vulnerable with people who are close to you, and know how to walk away from people who you feel are toxic or not safe. Therapy will help you take better care of yourself, so you can do all the things that you want to do.”
What should I expect at my first therapy session?
Don’t expect to get any “work” done at your first session. Don’t expect any big epiphany or anything like that. The first session is for your therapist to get to know you, for you to tell them what you want to work on, what improvements you want to see in your life as a result of therapy.
Most therapists will want to know your history—what your childhood was like, what your life at home is like and if there is a history of mental illness or addiction in your family. This helps them understand where you are coming from and what has helped you in the past, and what emotional baggage you might want to work on.
How do I know if this therapist is a good fit for me?
It’s a good fit if you feel safe sharing and being vulnerable with the therapist. If you can’t be honest with them, they can’t help you.
It’s a good fit if you feel comfortable asking the therapist questions and if you like the way they respond. Ask questions like “what should I expect from seeing you,” “what should I expect from treatment,” and “what goals do you think I should be setting.”
“The ones that helped me out a lot didn’t judge me, they didn’t belittle me. They tried to really help me understand who I am, what’s going on with my body, my brain.”
“Therapy is based on a relationship, and you can’t be friends with everyone. If this person doesn’t work, you try somebody else, you try somebody else, you try somebody else. Eventually you’ll find someone you just kind of click with, and you know, and it works.”
“I let them interview me, but I’m gauging them. I give them one shot each. I know I’ve had some people tell me that maybe one appointment is not enough to make up your mind, that you have to give it a little bit more time to see, but sometimes fit is an instant thing.”
What if it isn’t a good fit with the therapist?
Most of us have worked with different therapists until we found the person who was the best fit for us.
Sometimes you age out of a program and have to find a new therapist. Sometimes your needs may change and a therapist who was a good fit early on might not be a good fit anymore. And sometimes your therapist just isn’t a good fit to begin with.
No matter what the reason is, remember that your provider works for you! It is their job to help you achieve and maintain wellness. If you don’t feel like you’re making progress, then it’s time to find someone else who will help you.
“I had been seeing this therapist for three years and at first I was very happy with her, but over time, as I got better, the things that had helped me were starting to hold me back. She had very traditional ideas about what I should be doing as a young adult. As I got stronger, I started exploring things outside of mainstream culture, and I needed her to accept that. The therapist I have now, anytime I mention something new, she asks me if I want to incorporate that community into my support network.”
How do I change therapists?
It might seem awkward to leave a therapist, whether you just got started or after a long time, but therapists know that it’s all about having a positive relationship and keeping things moving forward. You are entitled to explain that you are ready for a change or to try a different approach. You can even ask them for a referral, if you feel comfortable.
Check out your insurance company’s website or one of the state resource lists to find other provider agencies near you. If you know you’d rather work with a therapist who is male, or someone who offers CBT, or who is trained to work with the LGBTQ population, that will help you identify some possible new therapists.
Will I need to stay in therapy forever?
The short answer is, maybe–maybe not.
Therapy can be helpful when you’re dealing with a crisis, when you’re going through a transition, and for maintenance. If you’ve made it out of a crisis, worked your way through transition back to the life you want in your community, and have been doing well with a lower level of care, you might be thinking of cutting back on sessions–or even ending therapy altogether. That’s perfectly normal and okay.
Remember that you will still have to deal with stressors related to school, work, relationships, and your home life. Ending therapy doesn’t mean your life will now be perfect! But hopefully therapy has helped you identify your strengths and build your coping skills, so you’ll be better able to manage things–without going back to drinking, using, cutting, or other unhealthy ways of coping. And you can still use many of the other supports you’ve been using–like your sponsor, peer and advocacy organizations, supportive services, and of course family, friends, and other people who are allies in your recovery.
Being in recovery and staying well isn’t just about going to therapy–it’s about living a meaningful life. Having and maintaining a strong support network in your community–even after you’ve finished therapy–can help you do that.
How will I know I’m ready to stop going to therapy?
Are you happy with your life? Do you like where you are going? Do you feel you have what you need–beyond therapy–to help you stay well, stay sober, and maintain a life of recovery? Are you reaching out to people in your support network–like parents, friends, your peers in recovery, and other allies–when you need to? Maybe you’re forgetting about appointments with your therapist because you’re getting the same support and feedback from other people in your life?
You’re life doesn’t have to be problem-free to stop going to therapy–let’s face it, life will never be problem-free! Living a life of recovery isn’t about never needing help again–it’s about recognizing the strengths you’ve had all along, building your coping skills, and knowing that it’s okay to ask for help when you need it.
If you’re thinking about ending therapy, you can talk to the people who are close to you–people you’ve been confiding in, people who know what’s been going on with you and who have been supportive of your recovery. If they don’t understand or don’t agree, you can try to explain a little more–but remember that the final decision is yours.
“At one point, when things were going well and pretty calm, I accidentally skipped a couple of appointments with my therapist–both inside of a month! I was so apologetic, but she said that it was perfectly normal for folks who are doing well to forget about appointments.”